Ben’s Heart-Star Meditation – July 2025

I started out life as a twin, my brother and I floating side by side in our mother’s womb, which I’ve always remembered. One moment we were growing together, he on my left, the two of us pulsing and turning, and the next moment I felt a spasm, a contraction – and he was gone! I was born in March of 1951 and for my entire life I’ve felt his absence, always on my left, and I’ve met four other people with the same story. From time to time I’ve had a sense of him near me, but not in an enduring way.

While I always knew about my twin, and someone, I think my mother’s mother, told me the basic outline of what had happened, my parents never talked about him, and I was afraid to ask about him, but always called him Alexander, after the great grandfather I was named for. When I was in my twenties I sat down with my mom and asked if she’d talk about him. She said yes and went over the few things that I already knew. Then I asked what she would have named him if he’d lived, and Mom leaned back in her reclining chair, closed her eyes, sat silently for a very long time, then sat up, looked at me, smiled, and said, “Benjamin.”

I’d recently been to Sedona, Arizona, and brought back two red rocks that were in my old room in her house, one shaped like a little mountain and one that was rounded on top, like a small gravestone. With a black marking pen I wrote on it:

Benjamin Ramer

1950

Then I walked down the block to water, in Seal Beach, California where my mother was living, did a made-up-on-the-spot memorial service, and tossed that sweet red rock into the Pacific Ocean.

That happened around fifty years ago, and down through the years I’ve continued to feel Benjamin’s occasional presence, and every once in a while he would briefly talk to me. But then, on October 5^th in 2023, I cracked open an egg over a pot of soup I was making – and two yolks fell out – something I’d never seen or heard of before – and I felt him standing beside me, on my left! I started crying with joy, and after that I felt his presence much of the time, either on my left, or sitting across from me when I was mediating. Wow is all that I can say! And two days later when I cracked three eggs into a bigger pot of soup – two of them had twin yolks, and he felt even more present! He told me to call him Ben and that over time we’ve taken turns escorting each other back to Earth and then departing, which we each knew on a soul level, but not an embodied mental level.

On the night of October 10^th I woke up from a dream in which Ben came to visit me! No spirit guide of mine has ever showed up in a dream before. And in the dream he taught me a meditation practice, which he told me more about in the morning when I was awake and which I shared with a gay men’s Heart Circle on Zoom that weekend hosted by the Gay Spirit Visions Conference, and which I will now be sharing with you.

o

Ben’s Heart-Star Meditation

To be done sitting quietly, with Ben’s suggestion that you consider doing it twice a day, when you wake up in the morning and when you’re about to go back to sleep.

1 – Rub your hands together, making sure you rub the centers of your palms.

2 – Draw one hand slowly from the opposite palm up your hand, your arm, up over your shoulder and then down and around to your heart. As you move your hand toward your heart feel, sense, see, that your loving touch is causing your hand, arm, shoulder and upper chest to start glowing. Luminous, beautiful, feel your heart beating below your hand as you rub into in circles. Then placed your other hand over your heart and hold them both there for a while, feeling it beating and glowing softly.

3 – Now reverse your hands and rub the opposite hand over your other palm, then draw that hand up your arm and shoulder, then down to your heart, again feeling a luminosity awakening in all the cells of your hand, arm, shoulder, and the other side of your upper chest. Now rub your hand over your heart, then place your other hand on top of it, and hold them both there for a while, feeling your heart beating and glowing.

4 – Now rub your hands together again, and reach down as you are able and rub one of your feet with both hands, making sure that you rub the middle of the bottom of your foot. As you do this feel and sense and see how your foot is beginning to glow. Then draw both hands up your leg, up and around your hip, in front and in back, and bring your glowing hand to your heart and rub both hands over it, feeling it beating, feeling it shining warmly.

5 – Now rub your hands together again and then reach down as you are able and rub your other foot, making sure you rub the middle of your foot, then draw both hands up your leg, your hip, seeing and feeling that wherever you touch is beginning to glow. Then place both hands over your shining your heart and rub it again.

6 – Now place both of your hands on the back of your neck and hold them there for a while, rubbing it. Then massage your ears and as you do feel the same thing happen, that your touch is awakening an inner light. Then slowly bring both of your hands up over the top of your head, then down your forehead, down over your face, your neck, and feel and see them glowing too, as you bring them down to your heart again and hold them there, one on top of the other, and feel your heart beating and glowing through them.

7 – Now rub one of your glowing hands over your heart, and as your are able, reach behind you with your other hand, whichever feels most comfortable to you, and rub the back of your heart with that hand, or with your fist if it’s easier, and with your hands over your heart in front and behind you, sense it glowing as you feel it beating.

8 – Now slowly move each hand down your body, over your chest and back, and feel your touch illuminating your body as the hand behind you cups your tailbone and the hand in front you curls around your genitals, with your base of your palm pressing your pubic bone. Again feel your belly, your pelvis glowing, and sense the energy between your hands, sense your root chakra glowing and pulsating between them.

9 – Feel the way that energy is moving down now from between your hands, moving down from your root chakra, down to the floor, down through it, down and down no matter how high about the ground you are. Feel this energy shining, spiraling, glowing, growing slowly, like the roots of a tree, growing down from your root chakra down to the very center of the planet, grounding, connecting, presencing, illuminating you as the embodied soul who you are, who chose to be here now, in this challenging time, come with all of your special gifts to share. And feel this Earth energy rising up through your roots, up into your glowing root chakra, shining up and spreading out through your entire body, alive, awake, luminous, beautiful, powerful, pulsing.

10 – Bring your hands back to your chest and place them both over your heart and lovingly rub it and feel it glowing, rub circles over it, knowing that you are a wise ancient gay saga, come into the world to help to heal it.

o

To my great joy, Ben has continued to visit me and shared more information about our past lives and about his last incarnation – twenty-five hundred years ago. In that life he was a gay Native American teacher whose life partner – was me! In 2001 he dictated a chapter from who he was in that life, which can be found in an unpublished book called Five Wisdom Teachers, the story of which you’ll be able to read more about in my forthcoming memoir, Tales of an Urban Shaman.